Carpool Rules
A carpool can be a sanctuary as long as a few basic guidelines are followed.
After a couple of weeks on NFL duty and then abroad, thrilled to be back in the (Good) Game. We have a slew of exciting new features, as well as intriguing perspectives, coming your way as we inch closer to our first birthday!!! Please tell your youth sports friends to hop on board … and feel free to reach out with any suggestions big or small. Seriously, I love getting your emails. Ok, let’s leap into Spring, shall we?
Hello Spring. The days are lighter and longer. In theory, the snow and post-holiday haze have been shoveled away. The flowers are abloom. Ahhh, it all sounds so soothing. Except for those of us trying to juggle the ABSOLUTE MADNESS that is the youth sports spring schedule. Better weather equals more field options which equals so many more sports being played. Essentially there is no sport season that can’t be played in the Spring due to unsavory weather (Whatever with a little rain.) Volleyball. Baseball. Lacrosse. Soccer. Track. Flag football. They’re all a go, and my kids, like many of your kids I’m sure, are partaking in more of them than seems possible. Major respect to you parents who limit your kids to one sport a season. Depending on finances and the number of children you have, limiting sports simply may be necessary.
This is a usual conundrum for my family come spring, especially on the financial output required to play multiple sports at once. I don’t want to deny my kids the opportunity to play in sports they love or even want to try out, provided they can handle their course loads. This is especially true for my 7th grader who just finished his first taste of representing his school in middle school basketball. What a special experience and a healthy contrast to all the club/travel sports. I’m also on a quest to promote multi-sport athletes, and there’s no more obvious place to start than at home. So we usually give in just a bit more than is comfortable, cover our eyes, and hope for the best.
My youth sports tribe and I joke every spring about how there’s no chance we’re going to be able to make it all work. But miraculously we do, thanks to the world’s greatest invention, the carpool.
There are few feelings better than transporting a bunch of antsy kids to a practice, stuck in traffic during rush hour, all of you worried about being late when [POOF] the carpool lane option magically appears. You hit those blinkers, scooch on over, and boom. Carpools are magic. Carpools allow you to not be completely tethered to your kids’ sports schedule. Carpools foster friendship. The first question when starting any new season should not be about team culture, it should be: WHO WANTS TO CARPOOL?
I recognize that not every parent or guardian is so lucky to live the carpool life. I imagine there’s a point of diminishing returns depending on the density of your locale. But for the lucky carpoolers out there, it helps to have some general guidelines for both the kid and adults.
***Major disclaimer*** I have been guilty of several of the points below. This is an exercise in learning my own lessons, not standing on a soapbox.
Keep up your end of the bargain
Sounds silly to have to say but if you sign up for a carpool, you need to drive. Not only drive but in equal amounts to your fellow drivers. When it comes to carpooling, no one’s job is more important than another’s. Same goes for free time. Just because you accidentally scheduled a work call during your shift doesn’t mean another parent should have to cancel their CrossFit class or their plan to binge a few episodes of Love is Blind. Flexibility in a carpool is great but If you can’t switch or keep up your end of the bargain on the regular, don’t join the carpool.
Keep tight-lipped
Hey, did your dad get that new job? Any new couples at school? A carpool should feel like a sanctuary for the kids. A safe space for them to banter. If you overhear things, you overhear things but a carpool is not an invitation for the adult driver to morph into an investigative journalist.
Your car is not a garbage can
I can’t tell you how many French fries or bits of bacon dropped from oversized burgers eaten in the dark I’ve found in the crevices of my backseat. Kids are going to eat in carpools but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be responsible for their garbage. We can help by bringing garbage bags and reminding them to take their trash out. Better yet, have wipes and a car vacuum ready in the trunk and make the driver’s kid ensure all those shreds of dried processed food have been extracted.
Don’t give your opinion about team culture or anyone’s ability
Another extension of keeping tight-lipped is staying hush on team analysis. Kids may say a certain kid is ‘him’ or another was ‘selling.’ It’s tempting to interject with your own opinion about coaching, playing time, etc or probe the kids for more analysis. If necessary, please tell the car to chill on the negative talk, but leave it at that.
Be inclusive
If your team is fueled by carpools, please try and make sure everyone has the chance to be included. There’s nothing worse than a kid rolling up to practice alone and seeing everyone else hop out of cars in groups.
No unnecessary stops
Oftentimes we’re jamming ahead of a carpool because of work or life but try to be prepared to the best of your abilities. Ideally, your car is fueled, you have a game plan for order of pickup (if applicable), you have your iced tea in hand, your check engine light is off and you can get the kids to and fro with the greatest ease possible.
Get an idea of rules for each kid
When embarking on a new carpool, ask your fellow parents if they have any rules both for their kid and their car. This can be anything from no explicit lyrics to no soda to no phone use. Most kids bend rules once out of sight from their parents. It helps everyone to have any idea of what is optional vs. mandatory once in carpool land.
Teach your kid manners
Of course there’s the basics like simply saying hello and thanking the driver upon being dropped off. But if there’s one life lesson to be gleaned from something as basic as a carpool, it’s developing an ability to initiate conversation. Some kids are quieter than others but every kid should learn whatever the kid equivalent is to chatting about the weather. Have you seen a particular movie? What are you learning in school? The carpool doesn’t have to be a gabfest but awkward silence for long periods of time can be super awkward.
Don’t sing
I told my younger son I was writing this piece and asked if he had anything to add. Without any hesitation, he said, “Mom, please stop singing our songs. It’s so embarrassing.”
This one stings.
I’m stunned my kid doesn’t want me loudly impersonating Jack Harlow or Dua Lipa in front of his friends and teammates. Doesn’t he know how cool I am?