Great Fit or Potential Fiasco?
The questions you need to ask yourself before signing your kid for every youth sports "opportunity" that comes their way.
One advantage of having multiple kids of different ages who play competitive sports is the chance to apply some wisdom to the second born (and third and fourth and so on). Sorry oldest child, you’re the guinea pig. If you’re anything like me, the early days of child numero uno were a hot mess because instructions in a book and actually navigating a helpless living being are quite different. With subsequent children, you know your kid won’t sprout horns or become a serial killer if they look at a screen they turn 3 or miss their nap window by an hour.
Youth sports are a bit different in the sense that by the time our kids are ready to don some cleats, they have varying needs - different abilities, different attention spans, different motivations. But whether your young athletes are 14 and 5 or you have four kids, say, ages 7, 9, 11 and 13, parents are presented with the same temptations as when they were younger. Just like the toddler world tangles products like book sets that might get your kid reading by age 4, there are endless external forces in youth sports. Both worlds are selling you on a culture of achievement. $229 for a special basketball with a bluetooth enabled instructional video is a small price to pay if want your kid dribbling like Steph Curry. For only $20,000+ a year in club and travel fees, your kid may add their name name to list of volleyball club alums that played the sport in college.
We are almost halfway through my older son’s youth sports journey, and my only real regret is wasting brain space on FOBO (fear of better options). And by better options, I’m almost exclusively talking about options I believed would make my son better at the sport he was playing. I should have just relished the present and remained dialed in on the best fit for him.
Instead of fixating on the next great coach or program that will improve your kids’ performance, think about what is best for their psyche and development in that moment of time. I learned that lesson in an embarrassing parenting fail.
A couple of years ago, my older son starting going to a notorious hitting coach in our area. My son was getting by on his team but needed to improve his unorthodox swing. He was motivated to work but after the first lesson came home crying because this particular coach was HARD CORE. But he had great mechanics to teach and after my son did his baseball homework and started seeing results, he bought in and embraced the intensity.
Once we saw “success” we decided to send our younger son, believing that just a session or two could foster the same improvement. What we failed to take into account is that our younger son was not emotionally ready for that type of environment. Nor did he care about having a powerful swing like our older son cared, or admittedly, like we thought he should have cared at the time. That’s our bad.
It’s tempting to sign up for some class because you think it will improve your child’s skill. It’s tempting to be enchanted by being on a top team in a club or a team that plays some important-sounding level. It’s equally tempting to sign up for a low-key version of said club, the true pay-to-play model. Even though the team won’t have much success, at least your kid will get a taste of travel sports. After all, club sports are supposed to be the panacea, right?
Maybe one of these is truly a great fit for your child. At a basic level, youth sports programs can be a great way to get your kid outside moving for a bit inside of curled up in a dark corner of your home staring at an iPod. And many programs, teams, and coaches are quite legitimate whether your kid can barely run a lap or is the next Sha’Carri Richardson. But before you enter your credit card info on the next shiny youth sports thing, please think about the fit. Here is just a sampling of questions you should consider aside from the cost:
Does my kid actually want this? Sounds simple but sometimes our kids just aren’t interested. It’s easy to get sucked into the thank-me-later effect. Sure, my kid is kicking and screaming, adamant they don’t want to join. But if I bribe them with a “fun dinner” after, they’ll try it and see an instant path for improvement and thank me later. But then they wind up hating it and get a horrible night sleep courtesy of all that fun processed food. The next time you push them to do something they have zero interest in trying, they’ll be even more resistant.
If your kid is scared to try something new, that’s a different matter. Tryout anxiety is real. But if your kid simply isn’t ready skill or maturity-wise or truly is not interested in the extra bells and whistles, don’t force it.
Does my family have the bandwidth? Oh la la, that hardcore lacrosse team sounds intriguing…until you realize it involves three practices a week, each at least 30 minutes away. Well, hopefully you don’t have other kids with robust extracurriculars or a full-time job. If so, a strong carpool situation is key.
Is this how I want to spend my weekends? Some sports like swimming and gymnastics are what they are. You wait around at a meet all day to see your kid in the water or partaking in an event for maybe 3 minutes every few hours. Same come with inherent travel. If your kid’s on the ski team and the nearest mountain with snow is 4 hours away, you’re traveling 4 hours to compete. Other sports like baseball, soccer and volleyball have options in terms of level of commitment, distance traveling, and sheer number of games and tournaments.
A friend recently mentioned selling her upcoming Ed Sheeran concert tickets. I was intrigued but said I had to check my kids’ sports schedule for that night. Of course there were conflicts. I imagine there’s a world where a soccer match gets scheduled and you check your calendar to see if IT conflicts with all the fun non-youth sports things you already planned for the day. I accept and embrace my current lot in life, but it’s not for everyone.
Is the highest-level team really the right fit? I suppose there’s something cool and comforting about your kid playing at the highest level in their sport. Theoretically if you make a top team, you have top team talent. But not everyone can play all the time and with A teams, you’re more likely to get locked into a position. Often the highest level teams come with the highest level coaching and that alone may be enough to join as a mid-lower tier player. But if your kid can get double the playing time, position versatility, and still be surrounded by talented players and good coaching, a step down may ultimately be better for their development. That said, please don’t be a frequent team-hopper solely due to lack of playing time. That’s a whole other issue that will sully the whole youth sports experience for your kid.
Does this team/program/coach fit my kid’s temperament? Oftentimes an adult, especially one immersed in the social sciences, trace their love of a subject to a teacher. The same applies for the athlete-coach relationship. Coaches can make or break our kids’ love of a sport. Some kids will thrive with a strict leader who pushes them; others need a goofball. Know the type of setting that meshes with your kid’s personality, not what you think will make them the best athlete.
Am I considering my child’s growing body? In his 2008 book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell theorized that in order to be elite at anything, you must have practiced it for 10,000 hours. That’s great for chess or playing piano, but not necessarily for high impact sports. Overuse injuries are a serious issue in youth sports. Kids are pitching in both Little League and travel ball, sometimes on the same weekend. Many young “elite” soccer players are expected to engage in structured training 4-5 times a week. Add in puberty and various growing bones; it’s all a recipe for disaster. That private lesson may sound great, but if your kid is already training 4 other days, think of the potential cost beyond the financials.
We’re all here because we want the best for our kids but the maze and intensity of professionalized youth sports can make it hard to remember the basics. Making sure your kid is happy and in an advantageous situation is a great place to return often.