How Coachable is Your Kid?

We asked almost 30 youth sports coaches for their top coachability trait.

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Photo by Adrià Crehuet Cano on Unsplash

Back in the olden days when the New England Patriots were Super Bowl regulars, I settled into a fun tradition. The yearly scene was Opening Night of Super Bowl week. For the uninitiated, this is the ridiculous event where select players and coaches sit on podiums and field questions from “media” members, some legit and some donning wedding dresses and lizard suits. I, at least pretending to be of the legit variety, made it a point to muscle my way through the packed crowd and ask Bill Belichick the same question every year: Coach Belichick, how do you define The Patriot Way?

Sure, The Patriot Way was synonymous with do your job and look for every competitive advantage available even if it means, well, you know. But the true definition of The Patriot Way had to be deeper than being ultra competitive and winning. What intangibles did Coach Belichick look for in players? How did New England’s film study differ from other organizations? How much was Belichick’s surliness part of the ethos?

Though I asked Belichick The Patriot Way question at least four times, I never got an answer. Only a couple of grunts, a roll of the eyes, and an, “Ugh, I don’t know. Next.”

…

The term coachability appears even more simple. The Britannica Dictionary defines coachable as: capable of being easily taught and trained to do something better.

But in sports, especially youth sports, pinpointing coachability requires far more nuance. Defining an uncoachable kid is probably easier. The kid’s a jerk. Doesn’t respect authority. Head in the clouds. Always late. But even if all those things are true, it doesn’t make the kid inherently uncoachable. We have no clue what is happening in the kid’s personal life. They can be dealing with divorce, a life-threatening illness, an undiagnosed mental health issue, who knows what. Even if the kid never becomes “coachable” a special coach will find some spark in the kid or at the very least provide a reliable haven where they feel a sense of belonging.

And, of course, the coachable kid at age 8 could be a complete monster at age 14 (hormones are real, man). And the 6-year-old picking his nose and asking what the score is five minutes before the game starts could morph into a confident leader by 10. But what really is coachability? We all know it’s much more than just listening and not being a jerk.

To get more specific, I surveyed almost 30 youth sports coaches and asked the single most important characteristic of a coachable kid. These coaches span age groups, sports, and years of experience. Unlike Bill Belichick they were happy to answer my question. Here were the most common answers:

They Are Inherently Motivated

Shocker, not every kid asked to be signed up. A parent might mean well by having their child try a new sport. But it was somewhat shocking to see the frequency in which coaches noted that number of kids who had no interest in being there. They consider this lack of interest the opposite of coachable.

Said a swimming coach: “No 1 is at least some level of motivation to do the sports they're training for. I coach swimmers and there are clearly those who are just dropped off to the swimming hall by their parents, and they have zero interest in listening to coaches. What makes it worse is that these kids also distract others with their chattering and general clowning.”

This is where knowing your child and involving your child in some semblance of decision making is key. Perhaps they’re not ready for that particular sport or that sport’s particular level. It doesn’t mean they won’t be in six months. If your kid is reluctant to try new things but oftentimes winds up loving the activity, maybe you bribe them with an ice cream. Sometimes it’s that simple. Or encourage them to try a practice once and if they hate it, give them the out. At the very least they can gain confidence from testing the waters which will hopefully help them for other activities down the road.

They Properly Absorb Feedback

A coachable kid wants to improve and that starts with having an open mind. The basic skill of listening is essential but I love how this youth sports peak performance coach breaks it down.

“Coachability refers to an athlete's willingness and ability to absorb feedback, learn from it, and then apply that learning to improve their performance. It's not just about listening to what is said, but also about actively seeking out feedback, reflecting on it, and making the necessary adjustments to grow.”

I absolutely love this explanation, particularly the part about reflection. It’s one thing to listen to your coach and robotically start doing the thing they say. The athlete who truly absorbs their coach’s words and thinks about the why behind them is on a different level of the coachability scale.

They Make it a Point to Understand

If you’re new to youth sports or kids in general, you might assume that hearing loss is common given how often coaches, parents and teacher must repeat their words. The young athlete who not only listens but is proactive is a gift.

Said a tennis and volleyball coach: When I think of a coachable player, I think of someone who is a good listener and open to feedback. They acknowledge what you’ve said with a nod, thumbs up, or reply. They ask questions to better understand a technique or strategy that is being demonstrated or discussed. They truly want to get better.

There’s nothing like that hardworking kid who is looking for every opportunity to improve.

They Are Happy to Try New Things

It can be jarring for a kid to be given a new role on their team, especially if it’s deemed a “demotion.” There are three clear choices here: A) The parents complain on the kid’s behalf. (Spoiler: Not going to recommend this, EVER.) B) The kid reluctantly fills the new role but still feels slighted. C) The kid jumps right in and is ready to learn every nuance of the position.

And this eagerness to master a new position or skill applies across the board even if the skill seems unattainable.

Said an ice hockey and martial arts coach: “It’s often based on seeing others do it first and follow their lead (may be in a video of another game, even a video of a pro game). And then willingness to try repeatedly until the skill is acquired. Chances anyone will learn how to do a new skill on the first try is almost nil.”

They Inspire Others

You know the kid. The first one cheering on their teammates and the first one consoling them when something goes awry. They are the leaders.

Said a soccer coach: “The most coachable kid sets the tone for the team. They work the hardest. They care about winning but also have perspective. They are vocal but don’t overdo it. These players are rare. If you have one of your team, congratulations.”

There were many more responses from basics (arrive to practice and games on time) to physical (be coordinated 😬) to mental (have a high sports IQ). But the traits above were listed as the most common, at least among the coaches I asked.

Curious what you guys think. Any more to add? Most of our kids aren’t going pro but earning the coachable label is a pretty sweet backup.