My Youth Sports Pet Peeves

Any long-term relationship comes with its share of annoyances. Youth sports is no different.

Hi friends. Before I dig into today’s post, a bit of housekeeping. You will very soon notice a change to this newsletter. No, we’re not pivoting to all avocado pics or the fictionalized deep thoughts of marsupials, though if one of you wants to launch your own newsletter on one of these important topics, I’d definitely read it.

Oh yeah, the news…  

Changing the Game is changing its name. Without getting too into the weeds, let’s just say I received a crash course in trademark law over the past couple of weeks.

Selecting a good name (that isn’t already taken or trademarked) is so much harder than it looks, especially if you’re the neurotic and chasing perfection type. ✋  Hopefully you all like it enough. Just wanted to give you the heads up because Friday’s roundup might look a little strange when it arrives in your inbox. But it is me and us and youth sports and nothing about your subscription or the content we’ve produced will change.  

At the start of this fine week, I woke up with the idea to write an essay on all the things I love about youth sports, thinking so many of you could relate. It was supposed to be a little ray of sunshine to brighten your day, a reminder that though there are endless issues with youth sports, it’s pretty great in its purest form.  

Then it started storming in the Bay Area and we were hit with a never-before-heard-of-by-me weather term called a “bomb cyclone.” A cocktail of severe rain and winds that knocked down trees and power line galore; it literally felt like a bomb dropped.

Instead of the rainbows and sunshine post I intended, I now feel like belting out some power ballads, shedding a few tears and drowning out the noise of my restless kids going bonkers in the house because their practices keep getting canceled.  Thus, I now presen a few of my biggest pet peeves about youth sports. Most of these are a sub-version of the greater ills that are wrecking youth sports, though there are a couple of biggies. Of course, this is me opining so feel free to disagree and/or share some of yours. Maybe we can even be productive and do some troubleshooting!

Vent: Not Updating Availability

Youth sports teams work when a team manager schedules games, and a coach maps out practices plans and lineups. Teams get thrown into disarray when a player’s availability in TeamSnap or LeagueApps or GroupMe or whatever your squad uses is left blank. Or even worse, the dreaded maybe (minus a note to explain the probability of attendance.) The guilty party may think it’s no big deal, but the people working behind the scenes to make your team’s engine go (most of whom are volunteers) are internally cursing that person’s lack of youth sports etiquette.

Relatedly, why are some people perpetually late to games without warning? Even more infuriating is when those people show up late with no remorse.  Imagine Jordan Poole just showing up 10 minutes in a Warriors game. Youth sports are a far cry from the pros but common courtesy and honoring commitments should be universal.

Solution: Make it a habit to update availability within 24 hours of receiving a new game or practice on the schedule. And, of course, respond immediately to anything sooner. This is basic communication, people.

Vent: Tournament Gate Fees

This one really irks me. This weekend, if the freakin’ rain ever stops, my son’s baseball team will play in a tournament that cost $800 with a guarantee of only 3 games. 46 other teams are signed up in various age groups, meaning this outfit is making $37,600 on entry fees alone. Then add on the low-quality, overpriced junk food we’re forced to buy because no outside food is allowed, and these folks are already making a killing. But then the little bloodsucking greedsters have the nerve to charge a gate fee of $8 for adults and $4 for kids PER DAY.

Solution: These organizations should fold the gate fees into the entry fee. Even if the total price is more, it feels more ethicsl. Or we should all migrate to any outfit that emerges and charges a more reasonable entry fee and no gate fees.

Vent: The Screamers

You know the type, the coach or parent that screams so loud at a kid that all you can think of is, Holy shit, this kid needs a hug or a teleport to Child Protective Services. It’s not only toxic for that kid, but it also creates a toxic environment for everyone. There are so many other modes of communication, so please stop with the berating.

Solution: Care about this issue and if you’re running an organization, be it rec or club sports, mandate all coaches and parents to take a Positive Coaching Alliance course.

Vent: Kids Over 10 with Friend Requests

Ok, this one’s more related to rec since club sports often require a tryout to maximize the team’s performance. It blows my mind how parents sign up for a rec season that involves evaluations - a clear signal that the goal is balanced teams – and then throw a fit if their kid isn’t placed with her 4 besties or, worse, with no one from her school. I get that there’s a comfort in the familiar, especially when planning logistics like carpools. But one of the beautiful aspects of playing community sports is the opportunity to play sports with and against a larger community, not just your people.

Solution: Embrace the unknown. The worst thing that happens is you and your kid know a few more folks in your town. And maybe just maybe you’ll emerge with a deeper pool of close friends.

Vent: Being Captain Obvious

A minor gripe, which maybe stems from me watching too many games, but some sports and age groups don’t require parents to state the obvious. For example, the parent that yells, “two strikes, gotta protect now” as if the kid has no strategy when there’s two strikes.

More abstractly, a lot of parents, and I’m guilty of this too, will say, “try hard out there.” Aren’t all kids trying hard in their own minds? Maybe you work on moving the goalposts of what working hard means during the week, but game time isn’t the right time for reinforcement.

One notable exception: It does seem helpful to have spectators counting down the clock in basketball or any other timed sport.

Solution: Let the kids find their own way. 

Vent: Mommy and Daddyball

This one’s a bit tricky because often moms and dads coach due to how engaged their own kid is in said sport. And this may be taboo to say, but often the coach’s kid is the best player on the team or at least among the best. It’s easy to salivate at the prime positions and stick your own kid there. Sometimes that’s fine and what’s best for the team. But you are there to coach the whole team and give other deserving kids opportunities to shine. I can’t tell you how often I see a parent coach stick their child in a prestigious position that doesn’t match their skill set and/or size to the detriment of others.

Solution: Make sure you’re coaching for the right reasons.

Vent: Participation Trophies

I’m not sure where the trend of acting like everyone’s a “winner” came from, but it sucks. A trophy signifies some kind of victory or placement, a hierarchy of sorts. People have trophy cases because trophies are special. Or at least they’re supposed to be. Playing on a team and being part of a community is a sacred thing and there are many other ways to memorialize the experience than a meaningless trophy.

Solution: How about a team party with laminated participation certificates? Or team awards like rookie of the year, Charlie Hustle award, even best attendance? That sort of thing.

Photo by Jelly Dollar on Unsplash

Vent: Braggy Parents

I have zero interest in unsolicitedly being told how fast your kid is or how much power they have or how every team in the state is trying to recruit him? If I compliment your child, then sure, feel free to humbly agree. But otherwise, keep your lovefest of your child’s athletic abilities to yourself.

Solution: Introduce braggy parents to fellow braggy parents and sit back with a glass of wine and laugh while they have a brag-off.

Oh, look it finally stopped raining. I’ll stop whining now. I really do love youth sports, I swear.