Should We Be Bribing Our Kids To Perform?
I'm guilty. Are you? Plus, our Friday roundup includes sports for kids that aren't athletic.
Hi friends, we are officially past the one-month mark of Good Game’s launch. My biggest takeaway thus far? Youth sports are even more batshit crazy than I suspected. And believe me, I entered this venture with an already disheartened bent. A tiny part of me was hoping you all would respond to Good Game by telling me to take a deep breath and that it all gets better. Instead, you’ve shared horrifying stories about the treatment of officials, the extreme pressure your kids have faced regarding specialization and how the costs of some sports are so mind-blowing they make club soccer and travel baseball seem like a bargain.
That’s all a long-winded way to say thank you for coming on this journey with me, and I don’t think we’re going anywhere anytime soon! Also, please reach out if you exist in some corner of youth sports that we should be discussing.
You’ve probably done it in some form. I’m certainly guilty. Give it your all at this tryout and I’ll get you an icee. I’ll give you $5 for every goal you score today. How about you beat your PR and we’ll get you that new iPhone Galaxy Samsung XYZ Platinum Plus you’ve been begging for? [Disclaimer: These are all fictional examples; I’m not getting my kid a damn phone for running fast!]
None of this is bribery in the traditional sense, like in 2010 when a coach in a Pennsylvania church youth basketball league was arrested after offering refs $2500 to rig two games, with the promise of more money if they complied. As a Jew, I don’t fully understand church protocols, but it sounds like that dude needs some major atonement. In any event, that’s a bribe that comes with a controllable outcome. We can’t guarantee our kid scores four touchdowns by offering them extra video game time.
Yet this dangling of sorts is commonplace in youth sports culture. Just this week, I came across an article about a dad in the UK who pays his high school daughter one pound per goal scored. She scored 110 over the course of a season. It got me thinking a little deeper about why we do this, what it should be called (motivation? incentivizing? or maybe it is straight up bribery?), and if there are any actual benefits for the kid?
The why seems rather obvious, doesn’t it? We want to give our kids a nudge in hopes that they find success. In the short-term, they will have a positive experience and exit whatever sporting situation in a better mood.
In the long-term, perhaps the extra motivation will result in better performance and better performance will make the kid like the sport more and if they like the sport more then they might work hard at it and become very good at it and if they become very good at it, maybe they’ll get a college scholarship and then heck, why not the pros and a Hall of Fame induction to boot. All because when little Catherine was 8, we gave her a dollar for that three-pointer she drained. It’s sorta like If You Give a Mouse a Cookie reincarnated in youth sports!
Sometimes it may seem like harmless fun for both kid and parent. A few weeks ago, I was driving my older kid to his baseball game, and he jokingly asked if I’d buy him a double-patty burger if he hit a double or a triple-patty burger if he hit a triple. I thought it was kinda funny, so I complied. Luckily, he only had a single.
I do think there’s a distinction between something fleeting like food or video game time versus something transactional like money. The latter borders on entrepreneurship for the kid which I suppose has some benefits. Though any type of bribery is plugging a sliver of the brain where internal motivation should reign supreme.
A massive issue with paying for performance is that too often the focus becomes solely on scoring.
“You probably don’t intend to send the message that scoring is the most important thing, but that’s the message that will likely be received,” writes D.C. based sports psychology consultant Christie Marshall. “And depending upon your son’s desire for monetary reward, it can cause him to become uber-focused on that aspect, to the detriment of the rest of his game.”
Marshall makes an excellent point. If I were a kid and got money for every goal I scored, I’d spend every waking moment figuring out every which way to get that ball past the goalie. I’d spend significantly less time working on my technical skills or defense or overall conditioning, all of which are equally critical parts of development.
Are parents awarding their child for the amazing initial pass that set up the give and go that resulted in a goal? Is defense ever rewarded? What about being a stellar teammate who motivates her team when the pressure is on?
Positive Coaching Alliance preaches the notion of praising the effort, not the result. This too is commonplace in the form of a team trophy being passed around to the player who worked the hardest in practice that week. Or earning a sticker for a helmet or bag. That seems, in theory, like the sweet spot.
But again, no matter the level of bribe or incentive, we’re all trying to infuse our kid with extra motivation. Of course, all kids are different and maybe a one-time monetary reward will be the push they need to take it from there and get the most out of the experience, no matter how long it lasts. But there are long-term risks to the pay-for-scoring strategy that run deeper than the kid morphing into a total ball hog.
Per Psychology Today, “Kids usually participate in sports because of an internal motivation to play for the fun of it. And when a material reward like money is introduced, it can lower their motivation in the long run. When athletes play a sport because they love it, they are more likely to enjoy the experience, points or no points.”
Some food for thought for us all to consider the next time we offer our kids money or a 4700 calorie burger just for performing.
And now, a quick trip through some youth sports news and articles that caught my eye this week:
Interesting piece on The Best Youth Sports for Your Nonathletic Kids though I take issue with swimming on the list. I’m GASSED after a lap or two.
A strength and conditioning coach urges the youth basketball community to cut back on the number of games.
The U.S. Supreme Court refuses to reinstate West Virginia’s ban on trans youth sports athletes.
Cool story about a basketball program in Rochester, NY that also teaches about health issues like sex safe and substance abuse.
Another cool story, this time about a volleyball program in a gang-filled section of Cape Town, South Africa designed to keep kids off the streets.