Stop with the Sideline Coaching Already

The long-term damage is real.

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Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

Last weekend at a baseball tournament, I witnessed two disturbing incidents within a three-minute span. One was a mom yelling at her son for being late while as he tried to time the incoming pitcher. The other was a dad telling his son he would have had to walk home had he not made a (somewhat) difficult catch. I’ve heard parents jokingly utter things like this; this was no joke.

How often do we hear about parents (and coaches) berating officials? They declare them blind. They yell obscenities. They sometimes throw punches. It’s gross and unwarranted no matter the situation.

These are the “bad parent behavior” moments that garner most of the attention, and rightfully so. Beyond the shock value, it’s important to shine a light on such a prevailing issue that could destroy youth sports as we know it. When the current crop of refs throw in the towel and games are self-officiated, that’s when the real hell will break loose.

But there’s another threat lurking in the shadows, one with the potential of severe psychological ramifications for a young athlete. The parent who can’t stop yapping at their kid from the sideline. They might think they’re helping with some tips or they simply have no qualms about berating their kid.

Like a single louse the behavior might go undetected or cast aside as a minor nuisance at first but quickly becomes an infestation. Even when the sideline-coaching parent misses a game the athlete might have a psychosomatic response. Just like when the Nix has done its good work but you still itch. Apologies for the super gross metaphor, but like the overbearing, always-coaching-from-the-sideline situation, lice is very hard to shake and ultimately inflicts more psychological than physical damage.

If you need immediate proof of the damage caused by the sideline coaching sports parent (sometimes referred to as a “joysticking parent”), glance at their kid. Bet they look sullen and joyless at times. Maybe unsure of themselves. Maybe scared. You’ve seen them, the one always looking at their parent before an inbounds play or at bat. When they do something well, they may turn to their overbearing parent before celebrating with their teammates. They are physically there but mentally they are trying to synthesize the sideline coaching that is either present or they fear will be there.

Sometimes the sideline parent is yelling. Sometimes it’s vicious yelling. What were you doing on that play? You need to run harder, son. Other times the sideline parent believes they are giving a simple, harmless boost. They’re giving you the three all day. Oh look, Clara’s open.

Time to admit a ridiculous thing somewhat in this category I used to do when my fantasy-football-obsessed older son would have baseball games on Sundays in the fall. Every time he’d land in the batters box, I would take the opportunity to give him a fantasy update. Hit one as hard as Alvin Kamara did on his 62-yard run. Crush it like Tyreek did for his third touchdown of the day. It seemed silly and harmless at the time but as a seasoned sports mom, I now know it was more than the periodic embarrassment.

Neither of these tactics are appropriate but nothing tops the damage from the parent who remains silent but is somehow still sideline coaching. I recently saw a stone-faced dad with folded arms affixed to the backstop whenever his son was catching. There were no words of encouragement or claps, only sneers of disgust. Way too heavy for kiddie sports.

Rarely does the kid look happy to receive the advice. Usually they look aloof or like they’re trying to ignore it but can’t. Sometimes the kid snaps back. Sometimes they’re annoyed at the parent for yapping. Other times they feel an obligation to explain why they are running a certain route or took a certain pitch. None of these are optimal for an athlete’s development.

Whether the parent means well or is actually a prick, here are a number of possible ramifications for a kid when a parent oversteps their boundary.

• Performance anxiety

• Reduction in problem-solving

• Reduction in creativity

• Difficulty focusing

• Destroys confidence

• Strained relationship with coach

• Confusion (Which adult do I listen to?)

• More mistakes on the field

• Overall anxiety

• Embarrassing the child

• Undermines coach

• Sucking the joy

• Kid quits playing

• Kid resents parent

So yeah, if you’re a parent and want to coach, sign up to be a coach. If you’re a parent who wants to watch your kid play, sit back, relax and cheer them on.

And if you run an organization that purports to care about its players, share this message with all parents.