I'll begin. My kid didn't make a top soccer team a couple of years ago, at least not at the position he wanted. At first he was pretty shocked, as were we. But it wound up being a valuable lesson in how certain coaches are looking for certain qualities and to not take things personally. **life lesson alert**.
It fueled him to perform on the team he made...and somehow made him love the sport even more.
I’m empathetic to the disappointment that occurs when a kid doesn’t make a team. My kids are young so they’re not having these moments yet. Not making a team provides a variety of life lessons for both the children (work hard, get better, be patient and ready) and parents (letting go, being encouraging, allowing your child to travel his/her own path). My hope is always for all involved, that disappointment transforms to a productive path forward, even if it means finding another team or sport.
Lot of variables and factors can be involved. Adults like to think of sports as this meritocracy where the best will play or start. And for the few kids who are truly exceptional for their age, it’s easy to say it is. For kids on the bubble or near the cut line, it can be an early painful lesson how, in the adult world, sometimes, running through the finish line is about more than the product on the field, and trying / doing your best won’t always be enough.
Melissa, I’m a big fan of your Substack, youth sports and parents who support their children in healthy ways for all. That last part can get tricky. The bad parts of youth sports are nothing I’d wish on anyone. I generally think youth sports are a net positive. Appreciate your writing and stories about it. Great to hear your son embraced the challenge and ended up loving the sport more.
Matt - thank you so so much for your kind words. You nailed it with this all being a glimpse of the adult world. I don't know how old your kids are but I've seen sports tiering for 6 and 7 year olds. As you said, sometimes it's obvious (as in some kids got an early jump on skill building) but other times it might be because they have an older sibling who plays at a high level or parents who volunteer more. Hopefully parents are instilling the "don't take it personally" mantra but also have antennas for any red flags.
My kid, after 3 years on the A soccer team, was cut and had to play on the B team. The coach was my friend. He handled it perfectly, calling me directly to discuss this issue. He kept things open ended telling me my child could still be on the A team, but he felt the experience and playing time he would get on the B team would be a better fit. Though disappointed, I agreed. My son loved his year on the B team where he was the star player. He rejoined the A team the next year, a stronger player and continued playing soccer through HS.
My friend later told me a similar conversation he had with another parent that did not go as well. She was angry and defensive and held a grudge afterwards. My friend was stunned, especially since this other player was weaker than my son. We both always appreciated how this potentially awkward situation was handled
I ended up later as president of our neighborhood youth sports club. I frequently have told this story to the parents of our travel teams. Do not take getting cut or moved down as an insult, use it as an opportunity.
Last year my daughter was sent down from the A Basketball team and my son, who was hoping to move up to an A basketball team did not make the cut.
We basically tried to focus our kids on why they play basketball and whether or not they enjoy actually PLAYING the game and having fun.
My daughter wound up getting more playing time on a smaller team where she was one of the stronger players, and has already told us she prefers to be on the B squad next season, even if she were offered a chance to move back up. That being said, she’s also expressed that this fall might be her last season as she is considering moving on to track and field.
I coached my son on his B team. We had a rough year in terms of our record, but we tried to keep the focus on loving the game— playing hard, but remembering that this is still play— and making practices enjoyable learning experiences rather than “put in the work” sessions for 5th graders. My son is a little conflicted about trying out for a travel team which was one of his goals at the start of last season— it really did sting him to fall short once already— but he still wants to play basketball. We are not sure how much to encourage or push him to give it a try, as he still says he wants to do it, but we’ll see. I’m just glad he still enjoys playing.
If he's still loving the game through the disappointment, that's a great sign. Playing on an A team, especially at a younger age, can definitely be less fun.
Thanks Melissa. Big picture, we have allowed privately run, profit based travel sports to replace/detract from community run leagues. The costs are insane (and eliminate participation by the majority of kids in any community). The logistics are insane (kids spend time/money traveling and playing in utterly meaningless tournaments as opposed to practicing their sport, working out, and competing with their peers from their community). And the results are bad, with injuries going up and kids getting burned out. Bernie Madoff wishes he came up with a scam this effective, where people pay in year after year with not realistic return on investment.
Parents just need to say no, but it is so hard when their kids' peers have normalized that approach to youth sports.
Insane is sadly pretty apt. And it’s only getting worse. As parents we either need to shield our kids or help them navigate while resisting temptation (i.e. not overtraining)
I'll begin. My kid didn't make a top soccer team a couple of years ago, at least not at the position he wanted. At first he was pretty shocked, as were we. But it wound up being a valuable lesson in how certain coaches are looking for certain qualities and to not take things personally. **life lesson alert**.
It fueled him to perform on the team he made...and somehow made him love the sport even more.
I’m empathetic to the disappointment that occurs when a kid doesn’t make a team. My kids are young so they’re not having these moments yet. Not making a team provides a variety of life lessons for both the children (work hard, get better, be patient and ready) and parents (letting go, being encouraging, allowing your child to travel his/her own path). My hope is always for all involved, that disappointment transforms to a productive path forward, even if it means finding another team or sport.
Lot of variables and factors can be involved. Adults like to think of sports as this meritocracy where the best will play or start. And for the few kids who are truly exceptional for their age, it’s easy to say it is. For kids on the bubble or near the cut line, it can be an early painful lesson how, in the adult world, sometimes, running through the finish line is about more than the product on the field, and trying / doing your best won’t always be enough.
Melissa, I’m a big fan of your Substack, youth sports and parents who support their children in healthy ways for all. That last part can get tricky. The bad parts of youth sports are nothing I’d wish on anyone. I generally think youth sports are a net positive. Appreciate your writing and stories about it. Great to hear your son embraced the challenge and ended up loving the sport more.
Matt - thank you so so much for your kind words. You nailed it with this all being a glimpse of the adult world. I don't know how old your kids are but I've seen sports tiering for 6 and 7 year olds. As you said, sometimes it's obvious (as in some kids got an early jump on skill building) but other times it might be because they have an older sibling who plays at a high level or parents who volunteer more. Hopefully parents are instilling the "don't take it personally" mantra but also have antennas for any red flags.
Thanks for the space here
My kid, after 3 years on the A soccer team, was cut and had to play on the B team. The coach was my friend. He handled it perfectly, calling me directly to discuss this issue. He kept things open ended telling me my child could still be on the A team, but he felt the experience and playing time he would get on the B team would be a better fit. Though disappointed, I agreed. My son loved his year on the B team where he was the star player. He rejoined the A team the next year, a stronger player and continued playing soccer through HS.
My friend later told me a similar conversation he had with another parent that did not go as well. She was angry and defensive and held a grudge afterwards. My friend was stunned, especially since this other player was weaker than my son. We both always appreciated how this potentially awkward situation was handled
I ended up later as president of our neighborhood youth sports club. I frequently have told this story to the parents of our travel teams. Do not take getting cut or moved down as an insult, use it as an opportunity.
Love this so much, Ken!
Last year my daughter was sent down from the A Basketball team and my son, who was hoping to move up to an A basketball team did not make the cut.
We basically tried to focus our kids on why they play basketball and whether or not they enjoy actually PLAYING the game and having fun.
My daughter wound up getting more playing time on a smaller team where she was one of the stronger players, and has already told us she prefers to be on the B squad next season, even if she were offered a chance to move back up. That being said, she’s also expressed that this fall might be her last season as she is considering moving on to track and field.
I coached my son on his B team. We had a rough year in terms of our record, but we tried to keep the focus on loving the game— playing hard, but remembering that this is still play— and making practices enjoyable learning experiences rather than “put in the work” sessions for 5th graders. My son is a little conflicted about trying out for a travel team which was one of his goals at the start of last season— it really did sting him to fall short once already— but he still wants to play basketball. We are not sure how much to encourage or push him to give it a try, as he still says he wants to do it, but we’ll see. I’m just glad he still enjoys playing.
If he's still loving the game through the disappointment, that's a great sign. Playing on an A team, especially at a younger age, can definitely be less fun.
I'd love to see a stand alone post discussing the pyramid scheme that is the youth-travel-sports-industry.
Hi Dewey, totally agree. We did have a post about Stay-to-Play but yeah there's a lot to explore here. https://goodgamekid.substack.com/p/the-most-infuriating-money-grab-in
Thanks Melissa. Big picture, we have allowed privately run, profit based travel sports to replace/detract from community run leagues. The costs are insane (and eliminate participation by the majority of kids in any community). The logistics are insane (kids spend time/money traveling and playing in utterly meaningless tournaments as opposed to practicing their sport, working out, and competing with their peers from their community). And the results are bad, with injuries going up and kids getting burned out. Bernie Madoff wishes he came up with a scam this effective, where people pay in year after year with not realistic return on investment.
Parents just need to say no, but it is so hard when their kids' peers have normalized that approach to youth sports.
Insane is sadly pretty apt. And it’s only getting worse. As parents we either need to shield our kids or help them navigate while resisting temptation (i.e. not overtraining)